You Fucking "Satanic" Scum

Fucking Satanists. What a fucking pathetic group of losers. What a fucking whore-shit collective of immature, idiotic fucking scum. Since there are different types of Satanists and each wants to distance itself from the others and claim the name for themselves, I'll rip apart each one individually.

Laveyans
First off, Laveyan Satanism as exists today doesn't have a fucking thing to do with Satanism. Great, you fuck-heads, Lavey started a church back in '66. That doesn't give you the exclusive right to the title. You aren't fooling anyone other than yourselves - what you believe in is fucking secular humanism, not Satanism.
I get that calling it Satanism brought the money in and Lavey obviously wanted the fucking money. That's cool, whatever. I don't really even have a problem with Anton Lavey or his teachings - what he outlined in The Satanic Bible was a sensible life-philosophy. I do have a problem with some fucking fat fuck that paid $200 for a red business card with a pentagram on it telling me I'm not a Satanist because I don't do just like "Dr." Lavey said I should.

Traditionalists
Oh, traditional Satanists, you fucking sorry sacks of shit. It's great that you recognize that Satanism has to have something to do with Satan for that label to have any meaning. However, it's pretty fucked that the lot of you act like some fucking incontinent old Christian woman. "Oh, Father Satan, give me money and a nice house and make my life better, I'm praying to you."
FUCK YOU! Take some fucking responsibility for your lives. Satanism isn't about being a fucking dogmatic shit, begging for some scraps and spending all your time reenacting mockeries of Catholicism. This obsession with ritual, magic and worship is absurd, humiliating and fucking juvenile. All this posturing about how fucking "evil" you are makes me sick. You act like fucking Protestants, closing your ears to any idea that isn't exactly in line with your "(un)holy book."

Joy of Satan
Holy shit, you motherfuckers are utterly, absurdly, hilariously fucked in the head. Let me get this straight: Satan is really an extraterrestrial alien? And his race genetically engineered humans? And Satan is a white supremacist? And you based all of this on the writings of Zecharia Sitchin, who in addition to apparently doing a shit job of translating Sumerian, was also fucking semitic?
To recap: These stupid fucks base their "Satanic" alien white supremacy on the writings of a Jew. 

Note to anyone involved with/interested in the Cathedral of the Black Goat: Back in 2008 I was a "high priest" within the organization and left abruptly. For those of you who weren't around then or don't remember why I left, I'll tell you. Because fucking Myrmidon publicly declared than anyone who did not support Obama in the election could fuck off. It was his view that the Cathedral of the Black Goat should support Obama. That's not very fucking Satanic.


In closing: You want to be a secular humanist? Fine, go for it. Quit calling yourself a fucking Satanist, though, it just makes you look like an idiot. And you look even more fucking stupid when you admit you paid $200 to join the club. You actually believe in Satan? Cool, me too. Don't be a fucking cunt. Don't act like you're living a Darkthrone album, that band fucking sucks. And finally, if you're going to espouse white supremacy, don't base your beliefs on a Jew's writings, you fucking scum.