Monday, May 20, 2013

A Bunch of Shit I'm Fucking Sick Of

Christ's oozing ass, it's been a while. Seven months, roughly. To make up for lost time, this isn't going to be one of my standard rants on an individual subject. Instead, here's a fraction of the shit that's pissed me off over the course of these months, in no particular order.

People who claim to "listen to everything."
No, you don't. Just shut the fuck up, right now. FUCK! People who say this are, invariably, completely ignorant of most musical styles - and would hate most of them if they ever heard them. Funeral doom, neo-folk, war metal, deathrock, goregrind, power electronics - I love all these, in addition to Tom Jones, Velvet Underground, Sisters of Mercy, and I never say I "listen to everything." Just admit you have narrow musical tastes limited to what's currently popular, you fucking scum.

Punks politicizing black metal
Rectal fucking buggery, can't you guys keep your fucking idiotic politics out of my music? If I wanted to hear about social inequality, I'd listen to some anarcho-punk. And, sometimes, I do. The point is, though, that your politics don't belong in black metal. Being a vegetarian is not black metal. Making the world a better place is not black metal. Caring about other people is not black metal, you fucking scum.

Nazis politicizing black metal
This one gets mentioned - even though I've covered it before, even though I could include it in that last one ("Caring about other white people is not black metal.") This isn't an Antifa rant, because I think those guys are as fucking stupid as these NSBM kids. Just, seriously, keep your fucking silly politics out of my music. And to any of you fucks who read this and have some dumb-ass thought like, "But it is black metal because black metal is about elitism and whites are elite," NO! That's fucking populism, which is the opposite fucking thing! Oh, and I want to remind all the Slavic NSBM bands that the Nazis hated you fucking scum.

The hot dog buns I had recently
This isn't a joke, this is fucking serious. I can not believe how incredibly shitty those buns were. WHAT THE FUCK?! I understand, they're Wal-mart's brand, so they're not going to suck my dick or anything that fancy, but they weren't fucking functional. First, I had to take a knife to separate the top and bottom of each individual bun, to fit a hot dog in. Then, I'd get it in, but the seam would tear. If I held it so the hot dog didn't fall out the bottom, the bread fucking broke apart from the strain of being in contact with a hot dog. I mean, I've gotten these before, same brand and all, but the packaging was a little different. Seriously, make some better buns, you fucking scum.

None of the stores carrying Java Mite Rip-It
If you don't know, Rip-It is an energy drink that sells for $1, which is pretty kick ass considering that almost all energy drinks have between 80 and 100 mgs of caffeine/8oz serving, but a lot of them cost closer to $3. I don't drink this shit for the taste, I drink it to wake me up. The Java Mite ones were actually on the lower end of the caffeine scale, but they tasted so fucking terrible it more than compensated. Before energy drinks as we know them came around, if I was really fucking tired I'd just mix up black coffee and Dr. Pepper, because HOLY SHIT THAT FUCKING TASTE! The first time I had one of these Java Mites a friend (who probably doesn't want his name attached to this trashy shitstorm blog) gave it to me because he couldn't finish it. As soon as I tasted it, I realized it was just like the mixture I used to make, only sweeter. What, you thought they were like those other coffee energy drinks - just overly sweetened coffee with a vomit (taurine) aftertaste? FUCK NO! These motherfuckers are carbonated! If you find any, buy them. And then send them to me, you fucking scum.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Post a Comment